Hell Hath No Fury Like Tyki Without Cereal
by Roxius
Summary: If Tyki Mikk doesn't get his cereal in the morning, things get ugly. Crack fic, with some definite OOCness. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man.

A/N: I totally forgot about this series for a while since it's on hiatus and all...and I think Hoshina Katsura is pretty damn good-looking for a manga artist.

(Must fight urge to write a short, smutty Hoshina Katsura X Akira Amano fanfic...)

* * *

Every morning when he woke up, Tyki Mikk had a bowl of cold cereal (usually Special K, Raisin Bran or Honey-Nut Cheerios, depending on what the Earl bought at the store) and a cup of milk for breakfast. Today, however, he was in for a rather unpleasant surprise.

"Hey...where's all the cereal?"

Skin Bolic glanced up from his bowl of Lucky Charms and stared in silence as Tyki ferociously dug through the cabinet, tossing jars of peanut butter, empty gummy-bear containers and bread loaves over his thin shoulders. Finally, after about a minute, Bolic decided to speak up.

"Don't you remember? There's no cereal left...you finished off the last of it yesterday morning..."

Tyki gasped, and took a step back from the cabinet. Searching hastily through the files of his memory, he was surprised to find that he indeed possessed a vivid image of himself practically mauling a box of breakfast cereal with the ferociously of a hungry lion. Gasping again, the dark-skinned man fell to his knees.

"My...my beloved cereal...all gone...all of it..."

Bolic shrugged, and shoved a spoonful of Lucky Charms into his large mouth. "You can have some of my Lucky Charms if you want..."

"HELL NO!!!" Tyki suddenly snapped, jumping to his feet, "IF I DON'T HAVE AN EXACT AMOUNT OF NUTRIENTS IN MY BODY, MY POWERS COULD GO COMPLETELY HAYWIRE...!!! EATING THAT SUGARY CRAP WILL SURELY DOOM US ALL!!!"

"Wow...didn't know it was that serious..."

"OH, IT IS!!!"

Bolic took a single marshmallow from his cereal bowl and held it out to Tyki. "Just try one." He was curious to see what would happen.

"N-NO!! I SAID...I CAN'T EAT THAT!!!" Tyki cried.

"C'mon..." Bolic replied, holding it out as if it were a doggy treat. Tyki wasn't sure if he should feel offended by this or not.

"CUT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!!!" Tyki slapped the marshmallow out of Bolic's hand, and stomped it into the floor.

Without warning, Rhode came barging into the room. She had dark circles under her eyes. "Why don't you just go and BUY some damn cereal instead of screaming your head off and waking everyone up with your incessant whining at 8 in the morning, you idiot...?!"

Tyki looked at Bolic, who looked at Rhode, who looked back at Tyki. There was a long, awkward silence. Suddenly, Rhode farted. It smelled of gingerbread.

"...That's a good idea..."

* * *

All was peaceful at the local shopping center. The sun was still beginning to rise, and the entire sky was cast with a beautiful warm glow. A few of the employees had already arrived to set up things for the day. One of these few employees was a youthful, 18-year-old young man by the name of Ted Smithers. He was tall and thin, with an athletic build. He had short baby-chick-yellow hair and bright sky-blue eyes. He was rather popular with the female employees, although he wasn't exactly what one would call a womanizer. He sometimes reads to the kids at the local orphanage in his spare time.

"Ah...another day, another dollar...or something to that effect," Ted mumbled to himself as he stretched his back. With his work apron tied neatly around his waist, Ted got behind the counter and immediately began to read a magazine to pass the time. The shop wasn't officially open for the day until 10.

Suddenly, the door chime broke the short-lived silence, and Ted raised his head. A finely-dressed man with heavily tan skin stepped inside. His long, black hair was slicked back, and he had strange cross-shaped tattoos running along his forehead. He looked very serious.

"Excuse me, boy," the tan man spoke up in a strange accent, "Do you...know where the cereal aisle is?"

Ted had no idea what the hell this guy was going on about. "Umm, sir...I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave. We don't open until 10:00. It's only 9:05..."

"Listen, boy, I need my cereal NOW...or there will be dire consequences..."

Ted rolled his eyes; he hated having to deal with psychos all the time like this. "Sir, I'm sorry, but-"

The tan man pressed his palm against Ted's face, and a moment later, Ted erupted in an explosion of blood and guts. Fragments of his skull were scattered about, and his organs collapsed to the floor, with his blood-stained apron daintly covering them from view. One of his eyeballs flew across the building, and landed with a plop into an empty coffee mug. The tan man was now drenched in blood, but he didn't seem the least bit bothered by it. In any case, Ted was now deceased.

"That's what you get...for keeping me from my cereal," Tyki Mikk mumbled as he casually walked over to the aisles to begin his search for the cereal...

* * *

_Two hours later..._

Rhode was lying on the couch, playing Pokemon Pearl on her DS, when Tyki came bursting into the room with a bowl of Special K in hand. A trail of fresh blood was left in his wake.

"Look, Rhode! I finally got my cereal...!!!" Tyki exclaimed happily, holding the bowl proudly over his head.

"Ah, good job," Rhode remarked, not taking her eyes off of her game, "I was watching the news earlier...apparently you had to kill nearly a quarter of everyone in the village just to get ahold of your beloved cereal...quite the blood bath, I'd say...killed men, women and children...didn't hold back with a single one of 'em..."

Tyki shrugged. "Meh...no plan is flawless..."

"CLEARLY."


End file.
